How The Grinch Stole Duran
A tribute to Theodor Geisel
Every Who down in Who-ville liked Duran a lot.
But the Grinch who lived north of Who-ville did NOT.
The Grinch hated Duran and all of their shows
Including the one that would soon start below.
The town where the Who-fans gathered singing their songs
Was somewhere the Grinch knew he could not belong.
So the Grinch plotted and planned to lay down his hand
To stop these Who-fans from loving this band.
He broke into their homes and went on a spree
Stealing picture discs, posters and Japanese CDs.
Ticket stubs, box sets, '90s singles that were a failure,
Signed underwear, fanzines, blurry concert photos of John Taylor.
All over the town he stole everything he could see -
He even took the last cassette of Someone Else Not Me.
At the top of a hill he was just about to tip
(he was so mean he didn’t even go to the recycling skip).
When suddenly he heard a small voice behind him
Little Roberta-Who was stood there and asked him a question.
“Why are you dumping my Mummy’s favourite things?
This is the band that she likes to hear sing.”
The Grinch looked down and said with a frown,
“If Duran cared at all they would play in MY town.
They should release Reportage, and stop playing Rio.
My favourite time was when they were a trio.
I'm always on Twitter giving my views,
But they never reply when I tweet MY news.
They should make an album every year or I’ll raise a stink,
And as for guitar they should have a rethink.
They’re either too popular, or not popular enough,
(Remembering what I’m upset about is really quite tough).
Some Whos have met them more times than me,
And have got rarer records - I've only got sixty-three.
Some will argue and fight about who’s got front row,
And who’s next to who in which best photo.
I’ve had enough, it’s all a big pain,
So I never want to hear Duran ever again.”
The girl thought a while, and then she said,
“Dear Mr Grinch, you feel with your head.
It’s about being a fan, it comes from the heart,
Buying the records is only the start.
It’s about meeting new people and singing the songs -
Finding a community where you can belong.
It's about the music between us and the years of the journey,
We don't really care how there's a 40th anniversary.
We like the posters, the trimmings, and, yes, the trappings,
We accept Last Night In The City and even Simon rapping.
But we know that even if we buy them anyhow,
All we need is ourselves - all we need is now.
So go ahead and dump the stuff, just let it fly,”
(She knew she could stream the good stuff on Spotify).
The Grinch looked down at the town, and saw the Whos going to the show.
He now knew he was missing out on more than he could know.
His heart grew three sizes and he felt no more ache,
He said “Let’s go to the show! It's never too late!”
They headed back into town where he realised he belonged
And he, HE HIMSELF….!
The Grinch sang every song!
Cherry Lipstick wishes you all a very Happy Christmas.
Thanks for a great year – here’s to 2019!
