The Simon le Bon Diaries: Part 5

Available online for the first time! Originally published in the Cherry Lipstick print fanzine Vol 3 Issue 7 in September 2020. Which you can download here from the CL Store.

You can also read parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 of the SLB diaries ('found' by a workman in Simon's loft in 1997) only at Cherry Lipstick here.

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May 13th 1986

Dear Diary, Wow! Just got home - such adventures on the high seas! My pals on Drum were the best – they let me cook every day AND do the washing up! I’ll miss their cheery camaraderie and top banter:

“Hey Si, you’ve missed a bit!”

“Where's my cup of tea, Si?”

“The skipper’s bunged up the loo again, Si!”

And I’d be back off getting my jobs done, doing my bit for the crew. Tomorrow it’s back to studio to see the lads! It’ll be SO good to have the five of us back together again.

May 14th

Hmm, strange day. I got there bright and early (7:55am) and put on the kettle (my boating skills have followed me into the ‘landlubber’ life!). Then not much happened.

At 2 John stuck his head round the door. “Oh, you’re back,” he said. I waited excitedly for him to ask me about my time at sea, but he was about to duck out the door again…

“I saw a dolphin!” I shouted.

“Yep, cool,” he muttered and shut the door.

Next (4:10pm) Nick opened the door and slowly and peered in. “Oh, hey!” I called, but he was gone.

At 7, John and Nick came in together. “Hey guys, good to see you! Where’s Andy and Roger?” They looked at each other.

“What do you mean?” asked John.

“Well, I can’t wait to be back – the famous five, the fabulous five, five against the world!” our (well, my) battle cry from the Rum Runner.

“You did read the letters, didn’t you?” said Nick. “And see the papers?”

“Nope, I’ve been…” (I blushed rather, but hid it, I think) “busy with Yas.”

“Nice one you dog!” said John giggling, “er, anyway, the thing is…”

“So where are the guys???” I have to say my excitement got better of me. “Come on, let’s rock out together!”

Nick looked at John and whispered something in his ear.

“Yup,” said John. “Right, so… so…. So the thing is, Roger’s been ill and,” (he glanced at Nick), “Andy’s been, er, away in LA, he’s due back next week. but we’ll be here tomorrow, we promise.”

May 20th

It seems I keep missing Roger! Yesterday he came in early and had gone before I got there, and today he apparently popped in at lunch time when I went out for a sandwich. But Andy’s due back tomorrow!

May 21st

Poor Andy! He’s got an allergy so he’s had to play in a different studio. And he’s picked up quite an accent from his time in LA.

“Hi Andy,” I said over the intercom. “Great to be playing with you again!”

“Howdy partner,” he said. “It’s totally rad and most excellent. Have a swell day, dude!”

May 30th

Arrived at the studio to find 3 cows and horse blocking the drive way. Apparently Andy had rustled up some cattle on the way in.

Nile came in. I’ve started playing ‘Nile Bingo’ when he chats to John.

“Hey man,” said John to Nile. “Play that funky bass (tick) like when we jammed with the Power Station (tick).”

“Sure, man,” said Nile, sniffing (tick).

“What was it that Bernard (tick) said to me when we met backstage at the Garden (tick)?” asked John.

“He said you was one badass mutherfucker, JT,” said Nile.

“Most awesome y’all,” said Andy over the intercom. “Anyone want some jello from the icebox?”

June 1st

Today was a make-or-break day. Roger wasn’t here again!

“What’s going on guys?” I said to John and Nick. “I heard you promise he’d be here today and now you say it’ll be tomorrow – but I don’t believe it. My body bleeds for this coalition – what’s going on?”

“Simon you’re writing some great stuff and the albums going well – does it matter if we’re not all in the same room? asked Nick. “It’s a question of compromise.”

“I’m not wild about it,” I said. “It’s such a lonely state singing without being around the five of us.”

“Roger will be here tomorrow, don’t worry,” said John.

“No, NO!” I said. “Your lies come hard to disguise! WHAT IS GOING ON?”

And then ‘Andy’ walked in.

June 2nd

Today I had to clear up the debris from the day before. John had gone on to explain that he and Nick had just wanted to protect me.

“You’ve been so inspired and happy to be back, we didn’t know what to say,” said John.

“You’ve had the best ideas and been a great singer,” added Nick. “It all got out of hand, but we’ve loved having you back.”

“But how can we carry on without Roger and Andy?” I wailed. “Why would I want to do it again without them?”

“We’ve had to work that out as well,” said John. “You need to call them and find your own answer to that question – and to make your final decision.”

“Well I will!” I shouted – “I can get them to change their minds. I can’t go on without them!”

I called Andy first.

“Why the f. are you calling me?” he yelled. “You f.ers have f.ed me off for the last f.ing time. You can f. off.”

He also said the ‘b’ word and the ‘s’ word. And even the ‘c’ word (c*nt).

My spirits were low – was this the end of the band?

I called Roger.

“Hey Roge,” I said.

“I’ve been expecting this,” said Roger. “Are you calling to get me to come back?”

“Don’t leave me lonely!” I pleaded.

“Simon, don’t ignore the passions you can never hide. You need to do your thing and I need to do mine. We’ll be together again, just not right now.”

I put the phone down and had a think. What was my passion? I like being in a group – whether on a boat or in the studio.

But being a group of five was out.

It was then I realised I’d hardly spoken to Andy for over a year without a similar outburst. He’d been the one to drop out of the band in ’84 and after Live Aid. But John and Nick had tried to make it work for me. If Roger and Andy wanted out – well, OK! Who says they have to be a part of our lives? Duran Duran is bigger than any person – I’m with my pals and we will be the Fab Three!

And that’s why I am going to do it again.